Tragedy in Nal-Ottawa

Posted on February 9, 2003 by Hazmatt

Organized crime was struck a blow today when noted gangster and crime lord Jabba the Hutt passed away. Details are yet unknown, but so far officials have released the following information:

Jabba was captured and taken into custody Sunday morning by CF officials just outside the core world of Chicagoscant. He had erected a smaller yet accurate copy of his Tattooine throne room on the upscale planet of R-Lingtin Hites and was, according to authorities, holding some sort of celebratory gathering.

Due to the size and nature of the Hutt, the Force had to call in their Hazardous Materials truck (Hazmatt) to provide transportation. Jabba was loaded into the vehicle and secured with a gray covering and a rope-like substance.

The Hazmatt vehicle left Chicagoscant and headed south on Imperial highway Fifty-Five (I-55), maintaining a constant speed of 55 MPH (moles per hectare? Hey, if Han can travel a distance in less than 12 parsecs….and have you tried going 55 on the Stevenson? That is the posted limit, but people normally do 80). The trip progressed without incident until they reached Imperial highway Eighty.

Upon turning west onto I-80, the unit was faced with a 35 MPH headwind. This combined with their ground speed of 55 MPH to give a combined airspeed of 90 MPH. The gray covering holding Jabba the Hutt from escape was not designed for such velocities, and it was not long before one of the supporting grommets tore from its fabric and revealed the Huttese crime-lord to the elements.

A word of explanation here for our loyal readers: it is not common knowledge, but Jabba has a rather large indentation in the back of his cranium (watch the movie again, you’ll see it). Also, his skin is very thin and fragile at this point. When the protective tarpaulin was removed, the gale-force air current set up a vortex action between the vehicle and Jabba, causing dire effects. One dismembered arm was caught in the maelstrom and impacted the rear window where it, according to one witness, “stuck there, plaintive and sad, like it was trying to hold on, then it was gone.”

The rush of atmosphere continued its path of destruction. An exposed flap of skin caught in the current and peeled back, exposing the viscera of the great slug. The transport operators immediately brought the vehicle to a stop, but it was too late, the damage had been done. Unable to repair the damage, even to find any of the violently removed pieces, they continued on to the penal colony of Nal-Ottawa.

The remainder of the trip was not kind Jabba’s corpse. Now fully exposed to the wind, small bits and pieces felt free to detach themselves and spread over a large stretch of road. When the transport arrived at its destination, little remained of the once great piece of slime-ridden filth. One of the pilots, who had grown quite close to Jabba during their time together, was taken by his emotions and weeped openly at the sight, causing one passerby to exclaim, “Jeez, Matthew, you’re such a freak. Why did I even marry you in the first place?”

While Jabba is no longer with us, and his time on this plane of existence was brief, we have the comfort that he was laid to rest with the full honors of a crime-lord befitting his stature–in empty dumpster behind an anonymous car wash.

CapriCon 2003

Posted on February 8, 2003 by Hazmatt

On February 8, 2003, Chicago Force descended upon the annual CapriCon Convention in Arlington Heights, IL and hosted yet another of their themed room parties.

CF room parties have, over the years, generally progressed in an escalating manner. There has been the simple “Club Sith” to “Dagobah” to the horror that was styrofoam packing peanuts and “Hoth”. This year we decided to do “Jabba the Hutt’s Throne Room” from “Return of the Jedi”. To facilitate this, the convention had donated a 25’x45′ conference room on the main floor, a dance floor, and any furniture that we required.

Planning for this party started months prior and involved many, many people. Those that were there can attest to the success (or lack there of) of this endeavour. Not all of our plans made it to the end, but here is what we did have when the night arrived:

Green-skinned Gammorrean Guard at the door
Blast door and TT-8L droid
Life-sized Jabba the Hutt, tail lovingly wrapped around Salacious Crumb
Full-sized, three-dimensional Han Solo, frozen in Carbonite
Max Rebo and a live band
R2-D2 serving drinks in the corner
Red, blue, and green-skinned Twi’lek slave girls, dancing for Jabba’s (and everyone else’s) pleasure
Yarna, with all six breasts
Boba Fett
Luke Skywalker (where’d he get the beard, though?)

Sound like a party? It was.

Standing guard at the door, I got to witness a lot of people’s first reaction to seeing the room. Almost every one would stop at the door, not quite believing what they saw. 85 percent of them uttered some sort of expletive in awe. I don’t think I saw anyone visit just once. People would leave for a few minutes, only to return to where they knew the party was.

I could spend several more paragraphs listing all the compliments that people gave us, so it was a little disappointing when we didn’t pick up the award for Best Party. After the award was given, though, the con staff spent a few moments giving us a special mention, using phrases like “just awesome” and “I’m speechless”.

So many people contributed to the making of this event that any list is bound to leave someone out, but I am going to try:

Shauna, Heather, Thom, Caroline for making the best all-time party prop ever: a life-sized Jabba the Hutt. It’s a shame he didn’t make it home. Han in Carbonite got some compliments, so I’ll thank myself for that. Heather and Le Penguin for Max Rebo; seeing the blue DJ really added credibility to the whole thing. Caroline, Danielle, and Loree for being such delicious slave girls, and braving the oogling of every male in sight. Jason and Erica for the R2-D2 cooler, and lastly, but certainly not least of all, everyone that helped put this thing together Saturday afternoon: Matt, Dave, Heather, Shauna, Carrie, Ginna, Danielle, Caroline, Erica, Jeff, Bob, Phil, Thom, Ray, Patrick, Trisha, and anyone else whom I might have forgotten….this was certainly a team effort, and was only made possible by everyone pitching in and doing their part. Thank you all, it was a night to remember.

And here I am, babbling along, and all you really want to see is the pictures, right? Well, the wait is over…

: We begin with a clean apartment

: The tail begins to take shape

: More styrofoam peanuts (shudder)

: Good enough for now

: Making Jabba’s head

: Adding a few facial features

: The first layer of papier-maché, and some more features

: Being Jabba Malkovich

: Inside the Hutt

: First paint

: Adding the fat roll

: It’s all starting to come together

: Shauna has a VERY understanding husband

: He certainly looks like Jabba

: “Off with his head!”

: Adding the highlights

: The last coat of paint

: Jabba is beside himself

: The finished product

: It all starts with the foam

: Han’s torso, hacked out with a kitchen knife

: It’s starting to look a little creepy

: Look, I am holding hands with myself. Eeew!

: Help! Help! I’m trapped in the counter!

: It’s starting to look REALLY creepy

: Headless Han

: First you start with a rough draft

: OK, visibility is good

: Do you hear what I hear?

: Copy the pattern to the final cloth

: Time to get stuffed!

: The hotel donated this ice sculpture. Good thing it was 300 degrees below zero outside.

: Friday night and it’s all alright

: Dave Grelck and his lovely bit ‘o’ honey

: Get Matt’s book! Read it now!

: Matt wanted to make sure we could find his body if it fell out of an airplane.

: “He’s safe!” “He’s out!”

: I know they don’t look it, but they are still sober at this point.

: And Heather was sick as a dog the next morning…strange.

: Assembling the slug, the myth, the legend.

: The party hasn’t started, and already people are getting naked.

: Thankfully, tons of people showed up to help.

: We jus’ keepin’ it real, G.

: “Quick! Nobody look at the camera!”

: “You all are doing marvelous work. Fantastic.”

: Matt’s awesome, but eventually unused, radio-controlled Jawa.

: Trying to turn a mess into a party.

: “Look into my eyes…you are getting sleepy, very sleepy…”

: “Quick! Everyone look at Shauna’s butt!”

: Just think, this mess turns into a party.

: Han sits (er, stands) in the corner, patiently waiting his turn.

: Even in carbon-freeze, you still get a slobber-pile taking a nap.

: “Help! I’ve fallen down and I can’t reach my drink!”

: Final clean-up, and we’re ready to party.

: Shauna awaits Jabba’s command.

: “Insert Tab A into Slot B? I don’t even see a frickin’ Slot B!”

: Before and After picture

: Hazmatt shaves his dome to prepare for wearing a latex mask for 6 hours.

: Putting the finishing touches on a hot slave chick.

: He’s an “Airhead”.

: TT-8L

: “You shall not pass!”

: “No, I swear I didn’t know she was your wife!”

: If you think this is a cute couple, you are DEFINATELY a Star Wars geek.

: Twi’lek porn.

: I don’t know what costume this is supposed to be, but I like it!

: Ladies and gentlemen, Jabba the Hutt.

: Matt serenades a bounty hunter

: Tom Servo is here. NOW it’s a party.

: The Legend of Drunken Jedi Master

: Max Rebo in da hiz-ouse!

: Nice, uh, uniform there, lady.

: Big, dumb, green pigs can love a Trill, too.

: The two hottest slave girls I have ever seen.

: Hey, I didn’t say they were Jabba’s slaves!

: Bartending droid.

: The party gets movin’

: We love us!

: “You work with a tall, gold droid too? What are the odds?”

: Salacious is jus’ chillin’.

: Jabba is in his domain.

: Jabba looks like he’s having a good time, doesn’t he?

: Is that a brain-stem on your head, or are you just happy to see me?

: It’s good to be the Hutt.

: Jabba does it for the chicks

: Jabba’s favorite decoration

: “He was no good to me dead. Come to think of it, he wasn’t very nice to me alive, either.”

: Whoa, dude, it’s like looking in a mirror.

: Tom was honored to meet Phil.

: Keeping out the riff-raff.

: Call one of them a big, fat pig. I dare you.

: Dancing for Jabba.

: Oddly, their Jedi Mind Tricks didn’t work on Jabba.

: The Corkscrews take the stage.

: “Baby, I’m amazed at the way you love me all the time…”

: “I love you, Tom, I honestly love you…”

: Keeping up with the Jones.

: Boba thinks the Corkscrews are alright!

: “Six breasts, huh? Dude, that’s awesome!”

: The Corkscrews turn it up a notch.

: “Unconventional”, and proud of it.

: Hans & Han S.

: “Utinni!”

: It was the kind of party where Jabba looked normal.

: If you look closely, you can see Jabba actually pulling the chain closer to him…

: Jabba is a great photo-op.

: Hey Luke! Hands off the slave girl!

: Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!

: Security is on hand to make trouble “go away”.

: “Bo-shu-da!”

: “He must be allowed to speak!”

: I don’t remember him being in Jabba’ Palace.

: “You don’t talk much, do you?”

: “Han, Han……..why!?”

: This party attracts all sorts.

: Just call him Servo Master T.

: It looks like someone has taken an interest in our handiwork.

: “Your name’s Tom, huh? That’s cute.”

: Yarna chats up a trooper.

: “Watch what happens when I squeeze her head.”

: “Karate chop!”

: Squeezing the ‘Juice.

: Tom watches the board while Max is away.

: The Corkscrews hire some backup singers.

: Max gets jiggy wit’ it.

: This was right before the yuppie wanna-bees shut us down.

: What a motley crew.

: “Yeah, baby, take it all!”

: “Alas, poor Yargna. I knew him, Horgar.”

: I’m not as you think as drunk I am.

: It’s been a REALLY long night at this point.

: “Ray ate the Jawa!”

: It seems so lonely, now.

: “Hey! Where’d everyone go? Let’s party!”

: The harsh reality of daylight

: Jabba ain’t what he used to be.

: Ray is still unconscious. Poke him. I think he may be dead.

: We did it! Too bad Jabba won’t make it home.

: David and Matt hold a reading for their work.

: George Lucas: god or monster?

Chicago Force celebrates all things Star Wars at Capricon!

Posted on February 5, 2003 by Carrie

Chicago Force will be spreading Star Wars goodness all weekend long at Capricon in Arlington Heights.

On Friday, February 7, at 9:00 P.M., Hans Aeschbacher (TheExecutor) will be hosting a Chicago Force RPG session. The adventure will take place between A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back. You’ll be part of a Rebel team stealing plans for a new TIE Fighter design. Hans will have a wide variety of pre-rolled characters to choose from.

Chowbaso! On Saturday, February 8, at approximately 9:30 P.M., Chicago Force will be throwing a party at Jabba’s Palace. Come and dance to the otherworldly tunes of The Corkscrews and DJ Max Rebo. We’ve gone all-out for this one, so you won’t want to miss out!

On Sunday morning, February 9, several members of Chicago Force will be participating in a panel entitled “George Lucas: God or Monster?” Come on out and choose your side for this great debate.

Capricon is being held February 6-9 in Arlington Heights. For more information, including registration, go to www.capricon.org. Please note that only registered attendees of Capricon may attend the RPG session or Lucas panel. Convention attendees will also be able to vote in the Best Party competition. For the latest information on Chicago Force events, head over to www.chicagoforce.org.

Chicago Force rocks WindyCon!

Posted on November 9, 2002 by Hazmatt

On November 9, 2002, Chicago Force put on a room party at the 2002 WindyCon Convention, held in the Schaumberg Hyatt in, well, Schaumberg. The theme for this party was “Death Star Trash Compactor“, and the room was decorated appropriately. Guests entering the room were met by the dianoga, several large pieces (to brace the walls with, perhaps?), and of course, trash.

To say that the party was a success would be an understatement. We kicked it off at about 9:30 PM, and went until the wee hours of the morning, some how managing to esacpe the wrath of the elderly couple staying next door. The room was beautifully decorated due to the diligent work put in by the Chicago Force crew. Matt, Dave, Hazmatt, Thom, Phil, Ray, Heather, Shauna and even Devon from Milwaukee were all on hand to transform a tasteful hotel room into a pit of refuse. It was surprisingly a lot of work.

All that hard work paid of, though, when people came to visit. Practically everyone that ventured into our domain complimented us on our decor and attitude and although there was no official competition for Best Party, our exit polls indicated we would have won by a landslide.

But don’t take my word for it. See for yourself…

: The process begins with an average hotel room.

: No one could get in touch with C-3PO to open the blast doors.

: Well, it LOOKS like a trash compactor…

: Bob the Dianoga

: The other wall. This miscellaneous drunk guy would come back to haunt us later.

: We know good trash when we see it.

: Ray, that is NOT a bong!

: More trash.

: The door, and a piece of a starship that wandered too close to the Death Star.

: No flash, so you can see what the room really looked like.

: Dave mixes the first batch of “Dianoga Dream”.

: Another shot of Bob the Dianoga. Isn’t he so cute?

: A toast to us!

: Bobafemme. She is so sexy!

: TK-895 and Bird-Man, Attorney-at-law.

: Matrix Trinity and Blade.

: “He did it, officer! I saw the whole thing!”

: New Chicago Force recruit Hans and his lovely wife.

: Bird-Man and Lara Croft.

: A lovely fairy.

: A Jedi pays us a visit.

: Some of the lovely ladies that came to visit.

: What a pair.

: Me taking a picture of Trish taking a picture of……..well, you get the idea.

: One of our vampire friends.

: I ruin everyone’s night vision with a flash.

: Lemme guess, purple is your natural color?

: An awesome Quidditch outfit. The broom is handmade.

: She took pity on Ray and let him stand next to her.

: A really great Klingon.

: A Klingon and Frank Zappa at the same party? What are the odds?

: Remember the old Klingon proverb: “Revenge is a dish best served cold.”

: OK, so my flash is really bright, especially “after a few”.

: We beef up security.

: A lull in the festivities.

: Chicago Force in da hiz-ouse, &^#$&%@(*!

: Ray always seems to be standing near the hot women.

: Not everyone that stopped by was drunk.

: The party gets jumpin’

: What a difference a flash makes.

: Hey, nice jacket.

: A Jedi and his serving wench.

: Klingon sisters.

: Just as he does with Life, Matt takes the bowl by both hands and holds on tight.

: Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

: Two beautiful people.

: “Stop? We just got this party started!”

: Bobafemme, sans gorilla head. Hey! She’s hot!

: A wandering theater troupe.

: All hail the Centauri Republic!

: Ray’s past catches up with him.

: Whaddya mean throw it away? You think is this trash?

: Tear-down is accomplished with only a few minor glitches.

: Time of death – 2:43 AM

Celebration 2

Posted on May 4, 2002 by Hazmatt

The first weekend in May, 2002 marked the return of the “Star Wars Celebration” convention. The first convention was held in 1999 in Denver, Colorado right before “Episode I: The Phantom Menace” was released. From those that attended, it seems that there was rain, mud, and about 5,000 attendees.

For the second Celebration, Lucasfilms stepped it up a notch. Held at the Convention Center in downtown Indianapolis, Indiana, there was no rain, no mud, and about 50,000 attendees. It was 3 days of Star Wars Goodness, almost too much to take in. There were conferences, demonstrations, guest speakers, and a huge vendor area, selling everything from the original Land Speeder toy (in mint condition, in the box) to the latest Interactive R2-D2, that responds to over 40 voice commands.

There was a lot to do and see in 3 days, and it seemed like everyone wanted to do and see the same things. Long lines were normal, and you had to wait to get where ever you wanted to get, even out: the halls were so crowded, it made navigation a risky proposition at best.

One room of the convention center was set aside, and 11 fan clubs from aross the country were invited to set up and operate a booth. Chicago Force was very proud to be one of those selected for this honor, along with the 501st, Rebel Legion, the Indy Knights, and Brick to Bothans, a LEGO building group. Chicago Force used this opportunity to talk to fellow fans and spread the word about our activities and events. We had a great time running the booth, and thank everyone who stopped by for spending a few minutes to talk to us.

Ask anyone that was there, though, and they will tell you they had a great time. Star Wars fan normally get along quite well with one another and there were so many people there, it was like having a friend around every corner. It’s a safe bet that there will be a Celebration III in the weeks proceeding the release of Episode III in May 2005, so start saving today!

: Huge ‘thank you’ card for George Lucas.

: Bob the Battle Droid, chillin’ in the CF booth

: Darth Jax and bounty hunter

: The eternal battle of Good vs. Evil, geek-style

: Mos Eisley display in the diarama room.

: Other diaramas.

: A LEGO diarama

: The lines went on…

: …and on.

: …and on…

: The voice-activated R2-D2 display

: Chicago Force Meet ‘n’ Greet

: We pose next to a big, hairy monster…and Sully, from “Monsters, Inc.”

: “Jedi Knight Parking Only. All others will be towed.”

: Jedi Lars goes on the record.

: This guy’s name is George, and he likes to wear jeans and flannel shirts. Honest.

: Natalie Portman poses with a cardboard cutout of Rex Karrde.

: Thom gets the autograph of Jester Fett.

: Who loves ya?

: The last time Ray asks anyone to ‘give him a hand’.

: Plenty of troopers on hand to keep the peace.

: The “Bricks to Bothans” booth.

: Full-sized LEGO R2-D2

: More excellent LEGO pieces.

: The firing squad lines up on Obi-Wan.

: Costume shop in the vendor area

: I really, really want that Vader outfit.

: Everyone stopped by to make little tan LEGO blocks…

: …which they used to build the world’s largest LEGO Yoda

: LEGO Jango Fett

: LEGO Darth Vader

: Members of the 501st fan club volunteered for guard duty.

: Wouldn’t you like to have that in your driveway?

: Late night snacks for tired geeks.

: Thom Solo, Red-haired warrior of Nalgoth

: Darth Jax

: Alex, the financially-impaired fan

: Ray, confused southsider

: Anthony Daniels made a big hit by coming on stage with R2-D2.

: The finished product

Chicago Force shows it’s Dark Side at CapriCon

Posted on February 7, 2002 by Hazmatt

Here are pictures from the Chicago Force’s 2002 CapriCon room party. I was not actually in attendance at the room party (although meeting everyone at the Cheesecake Factory for dinner was my first offical CF outing. Ah, the difference a year makes), so if anyone has any amusing anecdotes, they will most certainly be welcome.

The theme for this party was “Club Sith”.

: Commander OokOok inspects the troops

: Isn’t always nice when we just get along?

: Heather, Evil Bartender

: “I need a Vader’s Chokehold on the rocks, please.”

: CF President Matt Springer favors us with a tune…

: …then goes ‘Pete Townshend’ by ripping off his clothes and beating the floor with his keyboard.

: Some Rebels crash the party.

: You know, I saw some guys just like them in stormtrooper armor…

Convergence

Posted on July 6, 2001 by Hazmatt

“You will go to the Chicago Force party and find Bosh Talk, the fan who trained me…”

Posted on February 11, 2001 by Hazmatt

Dagobah. Yoda’s ‘hood. Swamps and droid-eating snakes. Sounds like a party!

: Check In

: Yoda’s new hat

: On a diplomatic mission

: Erica and her moss

: Slackers

: Phil concentrates

: Building vines

: The tree takes shape

: Swampy objects

: The tree is complete

: Beware the cave!

: Hey, I don’t remember a bar

: It is strong with the Dark Side

: Time to clean up

: Dave lovingly packs the stereo

: Deforestation in progress

: The horizontal Macarena. No, really.

: Just chillin’

: Now we can relax

I don’t see any dead imaginary animals…

Posted on February 1, 2000 by Hazmatt

These pictures are from the Dead Dewback Party held at Thom Solo’s apartment after Windycon 2000.

: Dave enjoys Dumb stuff

: Jedigal and MJS chat

: Everyone is tired

: Erica tries to sleep

: Dave IS asleep

: “No, really, I’m OK…”

: Shauna’s out

: Phil’s awake!

: Matt is confused

: That’s an evil look

: What a nice smile!

: What a buffoon!

: “What the hell do you want?”

: Minnesota and St. Louis represent!

: Tada!

Oh, the humanity!

Posted on January 31, 2000 by Hazmatt

During Windycon 2000, a con which will live in infamy, Chicago Force was suddenly and deliberately attacked by the insidious nature of styrofoam packing peanuts.

Chicago Force had held peaceful room parties and, until that day, was still under the impression that decorating a hotel room to look like the planet Hoth was a Good Idea™.

Indeed, one hour after the room party had commenced, there was no indication of any problem with the chosen decoration. While in hindsight this was an inaccurate assumption, Chicago Force was still in the midst of false statements and expressions of hope for continued peace.

The packing peanuts were tracked around the room.

The packing peanuts were tracked down the hall.

The packing peanuts were tracked into the elevators.

Always will we remember the character of the onslaught against us.

Hostilities existed. There was no blinking at the fact that that our people, our reputation and our stay at the hotel were in grave danger.

With confidence in our forces – with the unbounding determination of our people – we gained the inevitable triumph.

Since the unprovoked and dastardly attack, a state of war has existed between Chicago Force and sytrofoam peanuts.